Flashback, Southwest Washington University 2008: Evie and Timothy wake up together in the dorm. Timothy had an amazing dream about he and Evie taking their kids to an amusement park. Evie was still hot in her mom jeans. Evie suggests they become Face Page official. Timothy thinks that would be tight. They are deliriously happy and cute together.
Fast forward to the present day, and Evie wakes up alone. Xavier knocks on the door before long. He shares the story of his adventure with his dad last week, then introduces her to his mother, via the floor lamp her energy now resides in. Personally, I think a lady as cool as Xavier’s mom would have picked a more attractive lamp shade, but whatever. Evie is very rude to mum, and tells Xavier she kissed Timothy. Xavier confirms that she kissed Timothy on purpose, just to be clear. Evie says she needs time to sort her feelings out. Xavier points out that he’s done the difficult emotional work she asked of him, but now she’s moved on. She tries to get out of it by saying it’s not really about them, it’s about her, but it generally does feel personal when your girlfriend leaves you for someone else, Evie, and saying it’s not you, it’s me, doesn’t change that. On the other hand, they are broken up, and she technically didn’t owe anything to Xavier. He had no right to expect her to wait a whole week for him to get his act together. I mean, she said she was in love with him, but feelings change, right? (Okay, I’ll stop now.) Xavier takes his mother and her ugly lamp shade and leaves.
Evie has her grandparents over for brunch. Grandpa failed his driver’s test and is upset, so Evie decides to get him a do-over. She has her crusade of the week. She calls the driving instructor and sends him gifts until he gives in and lets Grandpa try again. It does not go well. Grandpa definitely should not be driving.
Xavier and his mum return to the trailer to find an intruder. Cousin Jesse the escaped convict is back, and he’s gotten a pardon! He’s a free man! Yay! Xavier needed someone of his own to hang out with. Now that he has Jesse as his new apocalyst partner, Xavier opts out of the Timothy-Evie-Xavier love triangle. He has better things to do with the short time remaining before the world ends.
Hank is stressing out over who should be his plus one for the apocalypse. His bunker can only fit one other person, and that person was meant to be Deirdre. Now that she’s marrying another, his next tier has three people he cares about equally on it, Evie, Kareema, and Timothy. How to choose? Kareema opts out, so the choice is narrowed down to Timothy or Evie.
Kareema and Sofia are ready to get married, but Kareema doesn’t want to go through with it without her brother Rohan there. Her brother is still angry with her though. She eventually corners him at Cybermart and they work it out the traditional way, through a pillow fight. Rohan says he will give them his blessing, but he needs some space for a while more, so he doesn’t want to be at the wedding.
Deirdre and Pete are planning their 3rd wedding, but Deirdre is having a difficult time making decisions. Pete offers to take over the wedding planning. All Deirdre will have to do is pick out a wedding outfit. He promptly hands over the planning to Deirdre’s new assisstant, Daphne. Hank jumps in to tell Daphne what Deirdre will really want, after Pete makes the wrong choices. Hank ends up secretly planning the wedding. Deirdre is touched when she discovers the truth.
Jesse and Xavier cross all kinds of exciting things off the list, and Evie and Timothy work through her list, but Xavier and Evie still miss working on their lists together. Jesse gets back together with an old girlfriend, and Timothy gets more writing work. Evie and Xavier are left with more time alone to miss each other and the trip to Iceland they’d planned to take together. Jesse finally gets tired of Xavier’s moping, and tells him to man up and go win back the woman he loves. Xavier shows up at the piano bar Timothy and Evie are at to serenade Evie. Timothy and Xavier end up piano dueling, then arguing, then fist fighting for Evie’s love. Evie walks out. The boys catch up to her in the alley, where they all agree that she will date both of them.
Xavier runs into Pete and encourages him to take the trip to Ireland to learn step dancing that he’s always dreamed of. Hank chooses Evie as his bunker mate, since she’ll be better at helping him repopulate the earth than Timothy. Timothy understands. He needs to get back to work anyway, because his big cover story is in jeopardy. He’s having trouble typing with the hand he hurt fighting with Xavier. Timothy ends up missing his deadline because of the injury, which gives him some clarity on the situaton. He needs to focus on his career for now, even though he believes he and Evie belong together. He lets Evie go, knowing she needs to continue her self-exploration. Timothy is hands-down the best boyfriend material on this show. Hank is a close second, but he’s still working on using his words. He’s great at romantic gestures like planning weddings, creating role play scenarios, and handing out bunker keys, though.
Xavier takes Evie for a flight in a small airplane. Getting his pilot’s license was #1 on his apocalyst. Afterwards, Evie asks Xavier what he would want for the future. Xavier refuses to contemplate the future. Evie points out that she’s stayed open to Xavier’s version of reality, but he won’t even fantasize about hers. Fair point. She says she doesn’t think she can see a future for herself with Timothy, but she doesn’t think she wants to be with someone who refuses to even talk about the possibility of the future either. Evie is extremely good at breaking through Xavier’s walls, and calling him on his shit. With her and Jesse around Xavier has a good chance of keeping his feet on the ground.
Daphne and Deirdre survey the wedding set up, and Deirdre is impressed with how perfect it is, exactly according to her tastes. Daphne lets slip that Hank did most of the planning. Pete asks Deirdre if she’s really in their relationship for the long haul this time, or if he could maybe spend the money he’ll have to spend on a 3rd divorce on his dream vacation to Ireland instead. Deirdre agrees that her heart isn’t in it, and they call the wedding off. Sofia and Kareema use the wedding package instead. Hank and Deirdre sit next to each other at the wedding.
Jesse talks some sense into Xavier again, and Evie finds him on her porch steps when she gets home from the wedding. He tells her his dream life was to have a farm and a big family. And make goat cheese. Evie thinks the goat cheese part is strange, but clearly she’s never tried it. Goat cheese is delicious. Xavier asks her what her future would look like? She introduces him to her grandparents at the go-kart track, and says they are what she wants her future to look like. Xavier and Grandpa watch Evie and Grandma do their dorky happy dance, and Grandpa tells Xavier it gets better with every year. Xavier is moved almost to tears. This is a future he’s never seen in real life or fantasy. Everyone in his life has left him or died, there’s been no getting better every year, or any continuity at all. Evie’s given him a powerful gift.
Deirdre tries to return Hank’s wedding gift, since she didn’t get married. Hank tells her to pass it on to Sofia and Kareema since it’s two vials of homemade swine flu vaccine. Practical and tasteful. Then Hank gives Deirdre the key to his bunker. She says she thought he’d crossed her off his list, but Hank tells her he crossed her back on. Deirdre says she’d be honored to repopulate the planet with him, if needed and/or possible. Then she sticks the key in her bra. Their eyes are glowing with happiness. Hank and I do our happy dances as Deirdre walks away. Nobody underplays emotion with more feeling than these two. They are bursting at the seams.
Xavier starts looking for another astrophysicist to look at his research. He wants to find someone who can convince him he’s wrong. Evie has made him want a future with her. If the asteroid really is coming, they need to find a way to stop it, soon.
Xavier’s probably been depressed for most of his life. Certainly since his mother died and his father abandoned him. No matter how his father wants to spin things now, Xavier was part of the pain his dad was trying to escape. Losing Jesse was another blow. Xavier retreated behind a shell of shallow hedonism and risk-taking to cope with the pain, and embraced the end of the world when he discovered the asteroid. He wouldn’t have to be in pain or alone any more, and he wouldn’t have to choose suicide, either.
But now he has Jesse back and settled, and Evie has helped him see the world differently. He’s processed his grief for his mother and worked through his anger with his father so that they’ve been able to reconcile. Xavier has Evie to plan a future with, and examples of families who’ve made a long-term future together happen, so that he can believe it’s possible.
He doesn’t need the asteroid as a potential involuntary suicide method any more. The question is, will he have been right about the asteroid all along, or will he have been delusional? I’ve always hoped that he’s right, because I don’t want the answer to be as simple as him being crazy. I don’t want the other characters to be able to continue to write him off. But, I also don’t think the apocalypse is going to happen, so they need to think of a solution quickly. A solution that allows for a near miss is the best case scenario. Let Xavier be right, but have something change at the last minute so that we all don’t die. Then, what happens after that? Does he find another potential apocalypse to worry about? Do he and Hank form a club? Does Hank become the guy who thinks the apocalypse is nigh?
Next week, Xavier gives saving the world another shot.
Metawitches 
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