Evie and Xavier are each telling Mary Anne and Jesse about their new special someone over breakfast and handcuff removal, respectively. They’re both head over heals, each agreeing that the other is smart, exciting and sexy. Evie is trying new things, even at breakfast, and Mary Anne doesn’t think it’s really “her”. Jesse notices how happy Xavier is.
Jesse’s unflattering mug shot shows up on the news. He and Xavier agree that Jesse needs to lay low for a while. Xavier lets Evie know that’s the plan when they cross backseat car sex off her apocalyst later.
Deirdre and Evie meet to begin Operation Hank-ee Pankee. First up, go over the HR guidelines, which stipulate that Deirdre can’t rub the tension out of Hank’s naughty, broad shoulders. She’ll have to work on being more accessible as a person, instead, which means she has to try to be nice, a foreign concept to Deirdre.
Deirdre calls a facility-wide meeting to inform everyone that Cybermart Corporate has hired an outside consulting firm, Excessive Solutions, to conduct employee interviews, which will result in lay offs. They “will emerge a leaner, more efficient Cybermart.”
Evie’s dad is an appliance salesman who’s perpetually #2 in the salesman of the year race. Mary Anne tries to help him out by buying a toaster.
Evie and Xavier have a romantic date in Xavier’s living room, stargazing at a ceiling light-up star field. Jesse interrupts by forcing a used recliner through the front door, that’s meant for his basement bedroom. Evie thought that Xavier had a plan, and Xavier replies that Jesse living in the windowless basement is the plan. Jesse is family, the closest thing Xavier has to a brother. Evie can’t understand how Xavier can risk having a convicted felon stay in his house. Jesse and Xavier explain the felony was non-violent and noble, like what Robin Hood would do. All Evie cares about is the risk of getting caught harboring a fugitive. She is the most suburban of hypocritical suburbanites. The word bourgeois was created to describe her. Xavier says that everyone gets to decide what’s important to them, and, with so little time left, he’s not leaving Jesse in jail or turning him away. Jesse is important to Xavier. Ball’s in Evie’s court.
The next day at work, Evie considers calling a hotline to turn in Xavier and Jesse. Kareema and Hank talk her out of it, because, mind your own business, Evie. Hank runs off to tell Timothy that he might still have a chance with Evie.
Deirdre struggles to break the ice with Hank, without breaking HR guidelines. She doesn’t rub his naughty shoulders, even though he’s tense. She joins Evie, Hank and Kareema for lunch, but small talk is completely beyond Deirdre. She needs Evie to play Cyrano and text her conversation suggestions, which come out hilariously stilted. Hank practically runs from the table.
Xavier and Jesse are getting Jesse set up with a new drivers license and alias. They need cash to pay for the fake ID, which Jesse has hidden with the rest of his stuff in Xavier’s storage unit. They discover an old video that Xavier’s mom made for him before she died.
Timothy stops by Evie’s house, ostensibly to return some of her things, but really to gauge whether he has a chance at getting her back or not. After he’s gotten his toothbrush and smoke alarm battery returned from Evie, and been told that he made her feel safe, he calls Hank to say that they should definitely create a plan to win Evie back.
Xavier rolls through Evie’s living room window, onto the floor, startling her out of her book. She was so engrossed in her music and reading that she didn’t hear him knocking on the door over and over. He wants her to give Jesse another chance. She doesn’t have time. She has an interview with an 8 person panel on Monday to convince them to let her keep her job, and she’s terrible at interviews. Xavier gets that dangerous, sexy glint in his eye that could mean we’re about to storm the castle and have the best time of our lives, but could also mean we’re about to end up in jail. He asks Evie if she’ll go on an adventure with him and Jesse if they help her with her interview.
Jesse was a financial advisor for Simons and Saks in the city before he went to jail, so he knows all about high pressure work situations. Jesse dresses up in a suit and tie, and gives Evie a mock interview. She freezes. They try interview questions while hitting baseballs. She hits Jesse in the face with a baseball, and breaks his nose. She does manage to answer a few questions.
Xavier watches the video from his mom in the middle of the night. Evie overhears a bit of it, but sees how emotional Xavier is, and leaves before he notices her. She asks Jesse about it in the morning. Jesse says she’ll need to talk to Xavier. Xavier’s microwave is still broken from the tin foil in microwave experiment, so they go buy a new one from Evie’s dad. He’s so desperate to make more sales he’s working round the clock.
Then Xavier, Evie and Jessie head out for their adventure: Xavier’s #56 Jump off Dead Man’s Cliff/ Evie’s #10 Jump off a High Dive. It’s a gorgeous 50 foot rock cliff over the Pacific. Jesse and Xavier summered together in Seattle every year with Xavier’s mother and her family. They would go to the cliff every year, and Tabitha would jump, but, as a kid, Xavier was always too scared. His mother died when he was in college, and he couldn’t even get through the whole video last night, he misses her so much. So, he’s going to do this, and he knows Evie can do it, too, even though she’s scared. Jesse runs and jumps without a second thought. Xavier and Evie steel themselves, hold hands, and make the jump, together.
On their way back to their jeep, Jesse drinks a vintage beer and tosses the empty can on the ground, except the ground turns out to be a cop’s windshield. The cop checks everyone’s ID, makes Jesse pick up the can, and then lets them go. They all breathe a huge sigh of relief, but Evie berates Xavier about it again when he drops her off at home. He promises to try to get Jesse out of the country. Later, Xavier finds the strength to watch his mom’s video. It’s clear they were close and she loved him. She tells him to keep Jesse out of jail. Oops.
Evie has her panel interview. They try to bully her, but Xavier has given her the confidence to take charge of the interview. She proves that she knows her stuff when it comes to how the warehouse functions, and leaves them impressed. She also gets an idea for how to help Jesse.
When she comes out of the interview, Hank and Timothy are waiting for her. Hank had given Timothy a makeover to make him more modern, like Xavier. Timothy’s in his tight, hipster Xavier outfit now. Evie likes original Timothy, but Kareema likes new Timothy’s pants.
Evie races off to find Xavier. They literally run into each other on the street. Xavier’s willing to let Jesse go. Evie has an idea that will help. They pack Jesse in a large shipping box with some snacks, and overnight him from Cybermart to Saskatchewan, Canada. Evie took a huge risk by shipping Jesse through her work. That was a major compromise from both of them. These two can meet each other in the middle, literally and figuratively, they just need time to work out how to do it. They have strong, stubborn, but complementary personalities. It’s going to take a while to trust that the other one will compromise and listen, and for each to be willing to do that themselves. But, that’s what TV shows are made of.
Evie tells Hank that she, Timothy and Hank can all still be friends and hang out, so that Hank doesn’t have to pick a side in the break up. Deidre figures out how to relieve Hank’s stress, which has been pretty high lately, and follow HR guidelines. She buys Hank a special ergonomic desk chair with extra lumbar support. Hank is actually in lumbar heaven, and Deirdre is delightfully smug.
Evie’s dad wins salesman of the year after Xavier spends the rest of Jesse’s criminal gains on 9 washing machines. They have a sudsy dance party in the backyard to celebrate.
Next time, Xavier tries to get people to listen to his apocalypse theory.
Metawitches 
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