We start this episode with the season 2 theme song, to remind us that Rebecca is a girl who’s obsessively in love, and she’s not going to listen to what anyone else has to say about it. And everyone has something to say about it. The theme fades to Rebecca’s fantasy of a polyamorous relationship between her, Greg, and Josh, complete with pizza in bed and arm wrestling for sex. It’s as wholesome and adorable as the Brady Bunch.
It turns out Rebecca’s explaining this fantasy to a real polyamorous threesome, who burst her bubble immediately. Poly relationships aren’t the same as love triangles, Bex, and aren’t a way to get out of choosing between the two guys you’ve been bouncing back and forth between. Nice try though, and nice little positive speech about what poly actually is.
Rebecca is taken with the idea that she’s in that most popular of romantic tropes, the love triangle, and promptly stages a song in her head based on Marilyn Monroe’s Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend: The Math of Love Triangles.
Dr. Akopian is not impressed. She urges Rebecca to be realistic about the situation, and focus on her own mental health issues before she pursues either man. Neither of whom seem to be offering Rebecca a relationship anyway. Silly Dr. Akopian, it’s like you’ve never met Bex before. Rebecca promptly throws that advice out and heads off to look for signs from the universe to tell her which man is the man of her dreams. She sees signs for both everywhere, so the decision is still difficult.
Paula is nervous about law school. She has to wait for months to find out about her application and it’s stressing her out.
Both women are expecting their periods and realize they’re late. Rebecca decides she must be pregnant, and that the baby is a sign from the universe that she and Josh are meant to be together. She doesn’t need to take a pregnancy test, she knows what she FEELS.
Rebecca rushes home to tell Josh. But first, sexy times! Except Rebecca has already bought prenatal vitamins, which Josh sees, so Rebecca excitedly tells him her big news. Josh looks like he’s been hit by a truck. He sits down before he falls down. Rebecca runs upstairs to pee, then comes back down and tells Josh she’s not pregnant, but now they can have period sex. Cue reprise.
Josh is not amused. He’s gotten whiplash from Rebecca’s quick turnaround. He tells her he doesn’t want to see her any more, grabs his stuff, and leaves.
When Rebecca tells Paula about her breakup with Josh, Paula realizes that she still hasn’t gotten her period, and decides to use the pregnancy test that she got for Rebecca on herself. She doesn’t mention this to Rebecca. Instead she calls Scott and meets him at home. She’s upset at the thought of being pregnant just when she’s finally doing something for herself, but she can’t bring herself to do the pregnacy tesy quite yet.
Greg’s father sells their house for 10 times what he paid for it, in cash. He gives Greg half of the money so that Greg can finally go to Emory like he’s always dreamed. Greg is blindsided, and worried about making such a big change so early in his sobriety. He talks to his sponsor, Guardrail, who gives him the okay.
Rebecca goes for a walk to think about her situation and runs into Greg at a pretty spot in a park that they’ve both heard about from adorable couple WhiJo and Daryl. They talk for a few minutes, then Greg gets caught up in the moment and kisses her. Rebecca proposes that they try their relationship out again, because it’s obvious to her now that this is the sign she’s been waiting for. Greg is the right man for her. She tells Greg to think about it and meet her back there if he wants to start over. Dr Akopian is still not impressed with Rebecca’s delusions. Rebecca still has no intention of listening to reason.
Greg’s father tries to talk Greg out of getting back together with Rebecca. He points out that new relationships are as much against the AA rules for the newly sober as other big changes are, and that Greg and Rebecca are terrible for each other. Most importantly, he says that this time won’t be any different from the other times. Greg tries to say that Rebecca was just figuring out her feelings before, but his dad really is worried that the stress of being with Rebecca will drive Greg back to drinking.
Paula hasn’t been able to bring herself to take the pregnancy test yet. Daryl surprises her with the news that he pulled some strings and gotten her into law school starting this semester. The office throws her a surprise party. She’s overcome with emotion and has to leave. She finally takes the pregnancy test, and it’s positive.
Greg goes to meet Rebecca on the bridge in the park. She’s beautiful, in her sundress and soft focus, as the sun sets. But, as he’s about to go to her, Greg sees the most important sign of the episode- a “danger” sign between him and Rebecca, which brings him back to his senses as Settle for Me plays in the background. He knows in his heart Rebecca’s quick turnaround from Josh to him means she’s still settling, not that she wants him for himself in a healthy way. As long as that’s true, they’ll continue to destroy each other. Someday, in my dreams and Greg’s, Rebecca will deal with her issues and realize that she and Greg belong together. Then she’ll go to him and, finally, Settle for Me will be retired. Until then, Greg’s going to live his life.
Rebecca drinks herself to sleep after Greg doesn’t meet her in the park. She wakes up on her couch the next morning to find that Greg’s at the airport, about to move out of town. He’s saying goodbye to all of his closest friends, who are an adorable group of guys. Finally, it’s down to Greg and Josh. They have a moment together, which reminds us that they’ve been best friends forever, and Rebecca screwed that up for a while. It adds to the growing sense this season that she’s falling deeper and deeper into her own delusions, and she’s willing to hurt whoever she has to in order to protect herself from facing the truth of her mental illness.
Rebecca arrives at the airport just as Greg is about to go through security.
Next week, Rebecca tries to cope with her “breakups.”
Metawitches 
You must be logged in to post a comment.