This episode picks up the morning after episode 2. Sheila proves that she’s the best mombie in town by worrying about how her new undead status is affecting Abby’s mental health. Joel is more concerned with the need to kill someone so that Sheila can eat, but he’s still insensitively consuming an omelet for breakfast in front of her. She reminds him that parenthood is everyday, and she hasn’t eaten in two days.
Abby breezes through on her way to school and Starbucks. Sheila and Joel decide to implement regular family dinner nights so that they can check in with Abby every evening. They tell Abby that Sheila will be eating poultry and beef from now on. Abby is not thrilled that her parents want to keep a closer eye on her.
Sheila and Joel get down to the business of planning their first murder as a couple. The ideal candidate is a young Hitler, someone evil and unattached. They need to get organized.
As they’re leaving to pick up murder supplies, Dan stops them to ask what kind of ant spray they used for the ants in their backyard (actually the remains of Gary the rapist). Joel says he isn’t sure what brand it was. Dan says, “You people need to take this more seriously. You never want a sloppy kill. You leave anything behind, it’s going to come back to bite you in the ass.” First, I knew he was the kind of neighbor to get all worried that the ants would spread. Second, blatant foreshadowing much? Third, that guy has a creepy smile.
Sheila and Joel discuss Dan and the ants at the big box cleaning supplies store. They don’t understand his concern about the ants, which is a little weird for realtors. Ants can be a big deal if they get out of control. Sheila sees the frozen food section and realizes she would probably be okay with eating frozen meat, since it’s so close to fresh. They buy a coffin-sized freezer to keep in their storage unit.
Abby and Eric are skipping school. As they’re debating how to spend the day, Abby’s friend Sara joins them. She’s meeting her 26 year old drug dealer boyfriend, except he breaks up with her in a drive by dumping. The three kids decide to spend the day getting even with Sara’s jerky ex.
Sheila and Joel run into their other cop neighbor, Rick, when they get home from the murder supplies store. They take the opportunity to ask him about crime and criminals in the neighborhood. There’s a new pedophile in town, but pedophiles are so closely monitored that it would be too dangerous to make one Sheila’s dinner. But Sheila’s getting so hungry that she’s ready to start eating the neighbors, so they need to find the solution soon.
Just in the nick of time, the school-skipping teenagers show up to save the day. Sheila and Joel overhear them talking about Sara’s drug dealer ex-boyfriend. After a quick peek at his instagram, kidweed, they gather up the murder supplies and head off to meet him at one of their overpriced real estate listings that’s been languishing.
By the time kidweed, whose real name is Cole, arrives, Joel, Sheila, and the kitchen are swathed in clear plastic, with sponges and knives waiting nearby. They tell Cole, in their best fake happy realtor voices, that they’re painting the kitchen. He jokes about what a perfect place for a murder it would be. If he only knew. Sheila’s about to seal the deal when a business call comes in that she has to take. Joel and Cole hang out together by the pool and get high while they wait. Cole tells Joel that Sara lied about her age, and he sells weed to help out his sister financially. It’s harder to finder truly evil people than you’d think. Joel lets him go. Sheila is not happy.
Abby, Sara, and Eric steal some of Dan’s tear gas and throw it into Cole’s house. Abby puts on a gas mask and goes into the house to get the sweater that Sara left there. Revenge managed.
Sheila and Joel are driving home trying to figure out how to find her someone to eat. Joel is trying to be sympathetic while also being really high. He accidentally rear ends someone. The guy gets out of his car screaming and swearing and generally being a douche. Sheila’s had enough. Her instincts kick in, she jumps onto the guy, and takes a big bite. It’s finally dinnertime. Joel suddenly kicks into gear and gets them and the body cleaned up and out of there.
Luckily, the guy was as much of a scumbag as he seemed, and won’t be missed. Joel stuffs him in the freezer while Sheila eats. Then they remember: they have family dinner with Abby! Time to get changed and head home.
Everyone is happy and relaxed at dinner. Sheila tells Abby that she’s having raw beef. She also explains that Abby and Joel’s shrimp seems so fresh because it was flash frozen. Joel looks at his shrimp like he’s considering becoming a vegetarian.
This episode was mostly a continuation of the previous two. There wasn’t much new that was revealed.
Joel told us that he fell into being a realtor because he had a family to support and no other plans for his life. Sheila was already a successful realtor.
We learned that Joel’s mom is a critical mother in law, while Sheila’s is a little more patient.
Dan is suspicious of everyone and everything, while Rick is happy and nurturing.
The big secret that the family is keeping is leading to them keeping more secrets from each other, even though they’re making an effort to communicate.
Sheila: I know we have to kill somebody today, but we have to be parents everyday.
Sheila: Do you remember that dinner we had in Tuscany? Joel: On the terrace, outside the castle. Sheila: I keep thinking about how good that waiter would taste right now.
We are sung out with Big Steps by No Small Children.
Metawitches 
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