After a massive 24 hour bloodbath, more than 20 broadcast network shows have been cancelled this week, along with a fair number of cable shows, including SYFY’s The Expanse. The Crossing and The Inhumans were among the last to fall this afternoon, though neither is a huge shock. The cancellation of The Crossing after it’s only aired 6 episodes/half of its season, is, however, ironic. TV critics predicted that ABC would cancel the show without even giving it a chance, and asked ABC why they should bother to get invested in the show. The showrunners assured the critics that the network would give this show a fair shot. Right.
The second episode of this two parter slips in much more information than Part 1, and brings up even more questions, chief among them, WHERE IS FITZ??? One postcard in two episodes is not enough. While the world could always use another Nazi zombie movie, especially when JJ Abrams is involved, Fitz is sorely needed in the future, rather than the past. Shouldn’t Steve and Bucky be taking on the World War 2 era Nazi zombies, anyway?
Alas, the rest of the team is left to cope with the news that the monolith flung them 90+ years into the future, where the earth has been blasted into a debris field and a piece of shell, without the one member who might be able to work the problem. On second thought, maybe those sneaky showrunners sent him off to do a movie for a reason. As Jemma says, she’s not the kind of scientist who can whip up some time travel at a moment’s notice. But Fitz just might be able to do it, after working with Aida and Radcliffe. They needed to leave Fitz behind to slow the plot down a bit.
Part 2 picks up immediately after the end of Part 1. Jemma and May try to wrap their brains around what they’re seeing through the trawler’s windows: about a third of the earth’s surface remains, with atmosphere on top, some crust, and glowing red under the eggshell shaped curve of its underside. The rest of the earth has become the debris field we’ve been watching since the tag at the end of last season.
We did it! We made it to the end of Marvel’s gag reel! They saved the worst for last, with the writers barely bothering to try to make this episode hang together and make sense. They also diabolically threw in new plot information from out of left field, just in case this torture device gets reviewed.
Hold your noses and read on.
We pick up right where we left off, with Black Bolt confronting Maximus in the royal bunker. Except the writers got drunk in between, and forgot that the two men were alone, so this week the whole family is there. Why not? Let’s say that invisibility is now a temporary talent.
The royal family is reunited on the moon this week, after 6 episodes of stumbling around a tiny Hawaiian island trying to find each other. Watching these guys, one begins to understand why the Kree decided to leave them behind.
Black Bolt reveals the existence of a fully stocked royal apocalypse bunker known only to the king, which suggests that the servants who periodically switch out supplies are subsequently murdered. Another mark in favor of keeping Black Bolt as king, no? Maximus proves once again that he got the entire genetic allotment of intelligence for the family, as he easily tricks Black Bolt into turning Declan over to him. Then it’s fun and games with terrigenesis experiments all around. But first, Black Bolt proves to have pulled off another deception, as Triton appears from the ocean, alive and well.
Down on earth the royals recapture everyone who escaped when Gorgon died, including Auran and Declan. Medusa and Karnak question Declan about his research, which they learn has been funded by Maximus. The royals realize that Maximus wants to go through terrigenesis again, and has probably murdered the genetic council so that they won’t stop him.
This week the royal family members on Earth are reunited, in preparation for the season finale. Each side of the ongoing battle in Hawaii loses a key member. Human friends are ditched, having served their purposes. And Maximus continues to go through more advisors than the Trump administration. The phrase “peaceful transition of power” clearly doesn’t mean what he thinks it means.
Maximus is walking down the halls of the palace, alone, when Lockjaw drops in with the entire royal family, wearing their original outfits. They are out to get Maximus. Black Bolt blames Maximus for Triton’s death, and knows that Maximus is the one who really killed their parents. Maximus begs for a peaceful transition of power, as Black Bolt draws a deep breath before using his voice on Maximus.
Before Black Bolt can speak, Maximus wakes up, sitting on the throne, still king of Attilan.
Down on Earth, Dave’s crazy ex-girlfriend/vet tech Audrey is examining Lockjaw and complaining about his injuries and treatment. Crystal gets defensive about her right to use Lockjaw for teleportation, no matter what his injuries are. Then Audrey changes tactics, and tells Crystal to go home, or get registered. In fact, she’ll take the photo for the ID herself.
This week on The Inhumans, the Royal Family, or most of it anyway, finally find their way back together. Little sister Crystal needs to work on her punctuality. Meanwhile, back on the moon, and on the earth, Maximus’ minions aren’t finding him to be much better than Black Bolt, and nobody remembers to call him “My King” consistently. Since he’s gotten rid of the rest of his family, he has no one who is his equal to commiserate with. It’s lonely at the top.
Karnak wakes up still in the arms of his drug-growing paramour, Jen. He marvels that she’s still there, because most of his dates slip out well before dawn. It’s her house, using the term loosely, so of course she’s there. Then Karnak does something like his usual analysis of his flaws, her flaws, their flaws as a couple, and the potential flaws of their continued relationship, only his power is still broken, so he has to wing it. Jen starts to consider leaving anyway. Lucky for Karnak, he’s cute in a hapless kicked puppy way, so she let’s it slide.
Greetings, Earthlings! Guess what? This episode of Inhumans wasn’t…terrible. It was a C, maybe a C+ if I’m feeling generous and watching Maximus pine for his powers while Auran pines for him. It does make my shipper heart beat faster.
It’s a classic love triangle after all- 2nd in command > leader > ambition & power &/or saving the world. It’s one of Marvel’s favorites, though we’re usually supposed to pretend that those
gay couples are just best friends. Peggy’s looking at you, Bucky and Steve. You’re setting a bad example for the kids. Stop denying your true emotions.
Maximus isn’t ready to settle down with the only warrior who truly loves and understands him yet, either. He’s gotten the caste system and the mines under control for the moment, and is satisfied with Auran’s progress with her (inhu)manhunt, so he has a little time for self-improvement this week. Specifically, he wants to go through terrigenesis again and see if it’ll come out differently.
It’s Friday night again, which means it’s time to watch what should have been season 3 of Agent Carter, and is, instead, Marvel’s Inhuman gag reel. Let’s see what kind of fun the gang has in store for us tonight!
Desmond Marcus Kane Henry Ian Cusack! And he’s using his Scottish accent! He’s some kind of doctor who researches inhumans, and he’s just found out about Black Bolt. I don’t care what he does to Black Bolt, as long as he keeps talking Scottish to me until Red Jamie gets here on Sunday night.
Desmond Evan Declan asks native Hawaiian and prisoner Sammy to do him a favor while Sammy’s hanging out in prison with Black Bolt. As it turns out, Sammy’s an inhuman, too, who helps Black Bolt escape. They both hop on the helicopter that Declan just happens to bring round the prison at the exact right moment.
Okay, so, wow. That was bad. So bad that I can’t bring myself to sit through it a second time to recap it. Who decided that it was a good idea to cancel Agent Carter and green light this instead? They should be fired immediately.
This wasn’t even in the “so bad it’s campy, cheesy fun” category, which is a category I love. This was just stupid, cheap, badly written, badly acted, badly directed, and out of sync with the rest of the MCU.