We start this week with Xavier’s apocalyst item #115)Try Bone Marrow. Evie refuses to even try, and not because she’s a vegetarian. Xavier equates the marrow to his philosophy of life. As in, suck the marrow out of it. We could probably end the episode here.
But, we don’t, of course, because even a low rated show has ad time to sell, and Joshua Sasse hasn’t taken his clothes off in a while. Whoops, there goes his hot coffee, down his front and toward his “nether regions.” Luckily, he and Evie are right next to a large public fountain, so Xavier strips and jumps in. Evie’s much more worried about the public scene Xavier is making than about the 3rd degree burns he’s trying to avoid. Personally, she’s giving me flashbacks to my mother-in-law, who was also always very worried about “what the neighbors would think.” Someday Evie will happily join the ranks of old ladies who enforce middle class social norms with an iron fist and a velvet glove. For now, Xavier asks if anyone in the crowd is bothered by him being mostly naked in the fountain, and everyone is happy with the situation. I’m quite okay with it myself. He reminds Evie that she’s going to miss out on a lot in life if she never pushes her boundaries.
Evie considers this while at work with Kareema, who agrees with Xavier’s opinion of Evie. There is an issue at work that requires boundary pushing to fix, but Evie hesitates, and someone else suggests the perfect solution to Deirdre before her. Evie decides she needs to change. She goes to Xavier’s house to tell him about her new resolution to be bold and boundary pushing. When Evie wanders inside, she finds another woman there, making herself at home.
A discussion of ethical non-monogamy follows. With so little time left before the asteroid, Xavier doesn’t want either of them to miss any opportunities. He hasn’t slept with anyone else since he started sleeping with her, but if either of them want to have sex with someone else, they should be able to. Evie doesn’t agree. This is not how relationships are supposed to work, and not something they’ve talked about.
Evie goes back to Kareema for advice. Kareema points out that Evie and Xavier never discussed expectations or made any promises to each other. Maybe this is a place Evie isn’t willing to go. Evie feels she needs to prove she’s willing to go places, so she goes out to a club with Kareema that night. She has fun and turns into Sandy at the end of Grease. Kareema loads dating apps onto Evie’s phone so she’s ready for ethical non- monogamy.
Hank and Deirdre continue to circle each other. Timothy challenges Hank to get fit and ready for the apocalypse. Hank asks Mikhail to train him. Mikhail’s training mostly consists of having Hank do Mikhail’s work for him. Deirdre keeps hovering close to Hank, offering to help him or get together, but she’s coming on too strong, and it’s scaring him off. Evie tells Deirdre to back off a little and wait for him to come to her. Deirdre eavesdrops on one of Hank and Timothy’s conversations, and gets an idea.
Hank finds an awesome obstacle course set up for him amidst the stock aisles. He practices it until he’s mastered the challenge and is apocalypse ready. He thinks Mikhail made it for him, but Mikhail denies it. Deirdre confesses that it was her, with a whisper in Hank’s ear. Deirdre figured out the way to get the butterfly to come to her.
Evie and Xavier meet at a bar to discuss their non-monogamy situation. They run into Amy Brenneman, #385 on Xavier’s list. Evie suggests they ask Amy to have a threesome. Amy assures them the reality wouldn’t live up to their fantasy, but gives them both a kiss on the mouth. The settle for sex with Amy on TV in the background, and call it close enough.
Kareema really did sign Evie up for dating apps, and Evie’s a popular gal. She accidentally swipes right on Mikhail’s profile, so Evie and Kareema end up going to live wrestling with Mikhail and his brother. That leads to Evie and Kareema mud wrestling, and Mikhail and his brother wrestling as The Python Brothers.
Hank challenged Timothy to use his new fame as a published magazine columnist to try to get dates with girls. That’s just not Timothy’s style, so he doesn’t have much luck. While Evie’s at wrestling, he and Xavier end up sitting together at a bar, talking about Timothy’s Mariposa theory, and their troubles with women. They don’t know that they’re talking about the same woman. Xavier invites Timothy to the Blood Moon party, a wild, paganish event that Xavier’s naked yoga group is involved with.
They almost end up having a foursome, but Xavier realizes that he’s too into Evie to want to sleep with anyone else. He and Timothy head out to the wrestling arena to find her. When they do, they finally discover that Xavier’s girlfriend and Timothy’s ex are the same person. Timothy immediately rats Xavier out on the aborted foursome, then goes and gets himself a date with a hot girl with pink hair. Timothy’s growth arc has truly begun. Also, he’s done with blondes.
Xavier explains his latest epiphany to Evie. She’s not impressed. He pushed her into non-monogamy, he’s got to live with the consequences. He doesn’t get to come in when she’s mid-date with someone else and decide he’s ready to be exclusive. Good for her. She and Kareema leave with Mikhail and Vlad. The boys suggest a fivesome with their large python. Evie’s out, having found out where her new boundary is. Kareema’s still into the guys, but the snake is too much.
Evie’s feeling so confident that she tears down Cybermart’s version of the Berlin wall at work the next day and gets a boldness bonus from Deirdre. She goes to talk to Xavier that night. She’s okay with continuing their non-monogamy. She’s realized the she’s never dated casually before, and that’s probably something she should try before the end of the world. Xavier wants an exclusive relationship now, but he can’t tell Evie not to date other people when he was the one that started it. He visibly swallows his feelings and tries to be happy for her. Evie goes for the leftover bone marrow from the opening of the show and eats it with gusto. Xavier didn’t anticipate he’d unleash Evie’s inhibitions so quickly.
There were a whole lot of boundaries this week. Some were pushed, some were established, some were respected, some were trampled, some were discovered. Some people were surprised by their own boundaries. Kareema, as always, knows exactly who she is, and where her boundaries are. She likes to poke at other people’s boundaries, but she’s gentler than Xavier about it. Deirdre and Hank are figuring out how to interact with each other, since they are both socially awkward, unusual people. They’re negotiating boundaries. Evie opened herself to discovering new boundaries, and found that they’re a lot wider than she thought. Xavier discovered he’s ready to narrow his boundaries slightly, and try something new that’s in the opposite direction of Evie’s experimentation.
-Evie: I go “places.” I went to 7-11 without a bra on. In the dark, to buy tampons, but still. Kareema: Look, you really want to push your personal boundaries? You should come out with me tonight. My pansexual posse and I are going to the Pleather Palace and we’re gonna get turnt.
-Evie: Maybe you should try hanging back a little. You know, you’ve gotta respect people’s boundaries. Deirdre: [peeking under the bathroom stall] What? That’s insulting. I totally respect boundaries. Nice brassiere. I like the purple. Evie: Maybe you should try thinking of Hank as a butterfly. I read an article on something called Mariposa theory. When you’re trying to catch a butterfly, you can’t be aggressive and use a net. You’ll kill it. But if you’re gentle and patient and approach it from the side, it might just land on your arm. Deirdre: Sure. Butterfly. Boundary. Got it. [sits back on the toilet and starts humming Danny Boy] I have to hum a little to get things going.
Next time, Evie tries to reconnect with her middle school best friend.
Metawitches 
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