Much to Dr Akopian’s dismay, Rebecca and Josh are still engaaaged. But, the devil winds are a-blowin’ into town and they bring all manner of strange thoughts with them. Well, I don’t think Karen’s thoughts actually got any stranger. Just even more inappropriately public.
I can’t help but feel like Rebecca’s taken a huge step backward this week, while Paula took a couple of steps forward. Rebecca ignores every warning sign the universe and her psyche send her, to the point where we get a brief reprise of You Stupid Bitch. That song is the lowest of low points for Rebecca, and it’s incredibly painful to hear even one line of it. Paula, on the other hand, learns some things from Rebecca and Daryl, and makes some positive changes in her own life.
It’s windy in West Covina, this week. Welcome to the desert, kids. Rebecca’s seen weather before, though. She’s all about her ring, which is a family heirloom, but it was bought back for her by Josh and he put it on her finger and proposed and she said yes OMG!!! High pitched SQUUEEAAALL!!
George, the employee no one remembers, is becoming a delightful voice of reason and running joke. Mrs. Hernandez also puts in her negative 2 cents. Was she always talking, but Rebecca didn’t want to hear what she had to say, and tuned it out? Is Rebecca subconsciously more open to those sentiments now? Nathaniel and Karen manage to overshare instead of congratulating Rebecca. I love how the atmosphere at Plimpton and Whitefeather has already turned Nathaniel into one of them, even though he doesn’t realize it.
Josh took what he got from his experience at the Bar Mitzvah and started volunteering to help out with the youth basketball team at his church. He loves being involved in spiritual stuff. Rebecca laughs and doesn’t get the difference between church basketball and regular basketball. I’m not sure what the writers’ intent is here, but there is a difference, if you are a spiritual person. Good job, Joshie, for finding something to help with all of that free-floating anxiety, that also develops some depth in your character! Thank you, show, for highlighting a difference between them that isn’t based on immaturity or mental illness. Rebecca being cynical and rejecting about religion, while Josh finds comfort in it, is kind of a big deal, long term, especially if they’re going to have kids.
The show does get in a shot at Josh’s immaturity, since the basketball kids think he’s only 17 and are shocked he’s getting married.
Rebecca shows Josh a famous wedding venue that they both love, but isn’t available for two years. They decide a two year engagement would be fine, and put themselves on the waiting list. Celebratory making out is in order. Except, it doesn’t give Rebecca goose bumps like Paula said engagement sex should. Uh oh. Josh explains that she’s probably feeling off because the Santa Ana winds are starting. They make everyone feel weird and allergies act up. He doesn’t even mention the freaking dust, which is the worst, along with the changes in barometric pressure, which are also hell if you’re sensitive to that sort of thing. Cue the weather man singing a Four Seasons-style doo wop song that will be reprised through out the episode.
Next day at the office, the conference room window gets blown open, and so does Rebecca’s shirt, revealing her ample bosom and lacy bra. I admire Rebecca’s ability to always wear nice underwear. Nathaniel gets a good look at them, and likes what he sees. Rebecca likes that he likes what he sees. They both dream about having sex with each other that night. Meanwhile, Josh is knocked out cold on allergy meds for the duration of the devil winds.
Turns out everyone in the office had weird dreams that night. Karen dreamed about her snake boyfriend, George dreamed about more Georges, Paula had a creepy dream about her, Daryl, a painting, and a casket. Maybe she knows she’s slowly killing her friendship with Daryl? She tries to start making amends by suggesting they get painted together. Daryl counter offers with a dinner invitation.
Rebecca and Nathaniel are weird with each other in the kitchenette because they don’t want to discuss their dreams. Bex takes the issue to Paula, who immediately declares it a rom-com emergency. The devil winds are the culprit, so these feelings will pass, but until then Bex needs to stay as far away from Nathan as possible. Avoid getting caught in tight spaces with him, rom-com style, at all costs. Calvin from season 1 shout out!
Of course, that means she gets caught in the elevator with Nathaniel at the end of the day, when the power goes out. I’ll bet none of you saw that coming! They scream for help. Eventually, George shows up. He’ll help, but he has one condition. They have to tell him his name. He drops a huge hint, but they don’t get it.
Nathaniel figures that since they’re going to be stuck for a while, they might as well have sex to pass the time. He’s annoyingly distracted by her, she’s obviously into him. They might as well get it over with as quickly and efficiently as possible, so he can get back to normal. It’s just about the most insulting proposition that he could make and still use polite language. The fact that Rebecca considers it, rather than being insulted, tells you how far she still has to go. I don’t look half as good as Rebecca, but if he’d said it me, he wouldn’t have been able to have sex for a week, minimum. You don’t get to judge and insult people based on things they can’t control, especially when you’ve been lucky. You want sex, show some respect first, buddy. If only Rebecca would respect and value herself. But, she’s not the only woman with that issue.
Rebecca puts on a show of turning Nathan down and being uninterested. She suggests they get to know each other better instead. They discover they’re both big Harry Potter fans. Rebecca thinks she’s a Ravenclaw, but Nathaniel says she’s a Gryffindor who doesn’t want to admit it. He’s proud to be a Slytherin. She kisses him passionately before they finally get out of the elevator. The wind narrator guilts her about it all the way home.
Daryl takes Paula out to a nice restaurant near Scott’s apartment. She says she’s thought about going there with Scott, if they were still together. She misses him, but can’t take him back, because everyone would think she was a doormat. She has her pride. Daryl reminds her that you can’t cuddle pride, or do any of those other nice things couples do. It doesn’t matter what other people think, if she wants him back, she should take him back. She has similar conversations with Rebecca and Mrs. Hernandez. Paula agrees he makes some good points. She’ll think about it. Daryl goes to the restroom.
Scott shows up at the table instead of Daryl. Daryl called Scott to come talk to Paula in person. Scott apologizes for cheating, and promises never to cheat again. He tells Paula she’s his whole world, and begs her to take him back. Paula’s furious at being ambushed, and tells off both men, then storms out of the restaurant.
Rebecca rushes into the bedroom and wakes Josh up to tell him that their dream wedding venue called. There’s been a cancellation and they can get married in two weeks! SQUEEAAALL!!! Josh is groggy and confused. Isn’t that fast? Rebecca ensures him it’ll all be fine. They’ve waited for 8 years, this isn’t rushing.She’ll get everything done, no problem. Everyone in the audience who’s ever put on a wedding rolls on the floor in hysterics.
Flashback to Rebecca calling the bride who had reserved the date for two weeks from now at the wedding venue. Rebecca bought that date from her. She wants to rush the wedding out of guilt, figuring once she’s married, she won’t be tempted anymore. Because married people are never attracted to anyone else, and never have problems again.
Rebecca shares her news with Paula, who’s concerned. Bex says she doesn’t care what other people think, it’s her life. We can practically see a light bulb turning on over Paula’s head. When Scott drops the kids off with her, she asks him to stay for dinner. And, maybe forever. It’s the sweetest, realest reunion involving a discussion of toilet repairs ever. Please let this one stick. I’m all for Paula doing whatever she needs to do for her own personal growth, but I love Scott, and I can’t stand to see him get jerked around. Or for them to do a character assassination on him.
Paula apologizes to Daryl for telling him off at the restaurant. She doesn’t let him off the hook for overstepping by calling Scott, but they come to an understanding. He may not be her best friend, but she’s his. And that’s okay. He can be her best male friend. We get a Daryl song and Paula makes Daryl happy and all is right with the world. Daryl just has the biggest, warmest heart.
Karen’s long term prison inmate boyfriend wants her to choose between him and her snake boyfriend. She gets a brief Marilyn Monroe song about how hard it is to choose. This episode must have run super short, between this tag and all of the unnecessary wind narration they added.
Nathaniel has learned George’s name, because leaving him in the elevator made an impression. George is fired, but Nathan does know who he is. This needs to be a regular thing. They fire him every few episodes, but they have to keep hiring him back, because he’s the only one who does any work.
Rebecca tells Nathaniel she’s getting married in two weeks. He tells her to have fun with the Muggle. They both have sad and longing looks as she walks away.
-Karen: I dreamt that I married my pet snake Long John Slither, which is crazy. That prop isn’t even on the ballot yet. [Hey–We’re legalizing polyamory before bestiality! Get in line, Karen!]
-George: I actually had an amazing dream. It was George Washington, George Forman, Boy George, and myself all on a yacht. Which makes sense, right? [Blank stares.] Because my name is George. Oh my God, what is wrong with you people? [A boy band made up of four Georges!]
-Paula: I’m sorry, I threw out the color chart. Rebecca: Periods are Code Blue because blue is the color of the liquid they use in tampon commercials, because men hate that women bleed. Code Yellow is man problems. [We need the rest of the color chart. And the reason why men are yellow.]
Rebecca: I can’t live my life worrying about what other people think. Who cares? It’s my life. And my love story. [Every once in a while, she comes out with something wise like this. There’s hope for her.]
-Scott: Honey, I will put my hand in an unflushed toilet bowl for you. [The man knows how to appeal to a woman who’s tried to keep a house running on her own for weeks. True love.]
-Greg got Settle for Me as his couple theme. Josh got We Should Definitely Not Have Sex Right Now, then We’ll Never Have Problems Again. Nathaniel gets Let’s Have Intercourse. None these are exactly healthy themes, and I feel like things are getting worse instead of better. Greg was in love with Rebecca, and Josh liked her. Now Josh thinks he loves her, but is really in love with the idea of being in love and in a stable relationship again. Nathaniel is the most messed up, self-loathing guy of the three, and loathes himself even more, and her, for being attracted to her. Greg was self-loathing, but he had one parent who loved and supported him. That gave him some kind of inner stability despite his problems. From what we’ve seen, Nathan, like Rebecca, had no one. Those two are too broken to build anything together. Neither one of them has the inner foundation to support them through hard times, so when things get tough, they’ll crash and burn against each other. We haven’t seen Josh stick around and help her through tough times yet either. Josh is the least messed up of the three, but his immaturity and shallowness keep him from deep commitment.
-Settle for Me and Let’s Have Intercourse, in particular, invite direct comparison. Both take place in an empty ballroom, with the man singing to Rebecca as they dance. But in Settle for Me, Greg is Fred Astaire, an old-fashioned gentleman making his partner look good. The dance is elegant and smooth, the song self-deprecating. It’s all about Rebecca. The camera spends its time lingering on the couple in medium shots, shooting them from angles that make sure they look good. But it’s in black and white to reflect Greg’s depression (and the look of Fred Astaire movies), because, unlike the narrators of the other two songs, he’s not lying to himself about their relationship. In Let’s Have Intercourse, on the other hand, the dance is clumsy and one-sided. Nathaniel can barely be bothered to partner Rebecca, certainly nothing he does is meant to make her look good. It’s all about him. The lighting is meant to make Nathaniel glow, and keep Rebecca in the dark. The camera is either too close, or too far away to see the dance clearly. They are out of sync, never look each other in the eyes, and she’s completely silent. In Settle for Me, Rebecca and Greg carry on both a verbal and a dance conversation, in sync throughout, aside from a couple of times when she’s briefly distracted. Settle for Me is lyrically a passive aggressive song, with a few passive aggressive actions, but overall the dance itself shows a couple who are in tune and equal to each other. Let’s Have Intercourse is a disaster in every way.
-We’ll Never Have Problems Again shows a couple who desperately want to be in tune with each other and equal, but they can’t even get through the fantasy without inserting Heather to point out flaws. They can’t risk being alone too long either, or those problems might show up, so they need to have their fantasy song be in front of a crowd. The choreography has them moving in sync, but it’s simple and shallow, like the relationship, easy to create compared to the tap dance and synchronized twirls Rebecca and Greg did. The lighting is basic, the colors Day-Glo bright, the costumes unisex and identical. We can’t risk putting too much thought or detail into this fantasy, or it might fall apart. We just know it’s Happy! And full of Hearts! And all about Our Love!
-Rebecca knows Josh isn’t really the right guy, at least not yet, or not right now, but it’s hard to give up that fantasy and admit she’s wrong, when he’s finally willing. So, she’s sending herself signs from the universe, and self-sabotaging. Ugly, but probably ultimately effective at ending things with Josh. Probably not effective at keeping her out of the next bad relationship.
-That old, used, dull ring’s not symbolic of anything, right? It’s not like the guy was given proposal instructions by her over-controlling mother and he followed them to the letter. It’s not like the proposal was her mother’s idea.
-Where are Sunil, White Josh, Valencia, and Heather? When did this become a workplace comedy?
-Shall we take bets on who breaks off the engagement, and when? Hopefully Rebecca doesn’t leave Josh standing at the altar. Rebecca and Josh’s kiss at the end of season 1 episode 13 keeps flashing in my mind. They’re in the front of the court room at the end of the big water case. It looked so much like it could be a civil wedding ceremony. Greg was standing outside watching, his heart breaking. Paula was watching, too, bursting with glee. Are we going to get some kind of reverse of that? Heather and Greg broke up so that Greg could pursue Rebecca in that episode. Josh kissed Rebecca, but was still with Valencia. At that point, Rebecca and Greg would have chosen Paula and Greg as their witnesses/best man and matron of honor for their wedding, and they were all there. Will they bring Greg back for the season finale? Will Paula and Greg eavesdrop while they break up this time? Or will they substitute Nathan in for Greg? {~Shudder~}
Next week, Rebecca learns why most people take months to plan a wedding, and want lots of help.
In this week’s episode of Who’s Got Blood All Over Their Face at the End of Vampire Diaries, it’s the latest Nina Dobrev/Elena clone, whose name I’m not going to bother to look up, instead of Damon. She is fighting with/taunting Damon, because Damon must be in the final scene. Oh, wait, here’s the promo for next week, and DAMON’S FACE IS COVERED IN BLOOD. HA.
In case I haven’t made this clear, I watched the first 5 seasons of Vampire Diaries, then quit. My Tivo is set to start one minute early on every recording, of all shows, so the beginnings aren’t cut off. I’m commenting on what my Tivo records. Because why does the CW think this is a good idea?
Metawitches 
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